Buick Drivers

So I had probably preface this post by saying that if you drive a Buick, you'll more than likely be offended. Read on at your own risk! :-)

First, some context...

Several years ago, I took a business trip and received a complementary upgrade from Hertz to a full-size car. Nice, right? Well, it would have normally been fantastic, though in this case I guess it was just simply a little too much car for this man. You see, they gave me a absolutely-freaking-huge Buick. This was the kind of car that normally comes with simulated-wood-grain paneling as siding, Sinatra and Lawrence Welk preprogrammed on the XM radio, and 0-60 times measured in minutes, not seconds (but that acceleration is oh-so-smooth). I drove the thing around (alone) for a day before concluding that it just wasn't the vehicle for me. I think people must have been following me around most of the time wondering when we'd get to the funeral.  When I went back to the airport to trade, the Hertz guys were somewhat shocked. Afterall, they only had midsized vehicles, and so I had to downgrade, which I told them was just fine. I'm sure they had a good laugh, though, when I left in a Ford Taurus. My stress level was much reduced the rest of that week.  Come to think of it, not sure I've gotten any complementary upgrades since then!

So now to the point...

I've had a thing for years about "Buick Drivers." Tell me if you think the premise works. You see, there's a certain demographic that Buicks are generally targeted towards. Suffice it to say that it's not the 20-something crowd (at least until those silly Tiger Woods commercials that didn't last too long). When I had that rental, I realized why the dials in the instrument cluster were done in a 97-point font. Most of the people driving can't see anything smaller than that! And while they're not generally the most dangerous hot-rodders on the road, I've observed that when there's a plug in traffic, it very often can be pinpointed to a slow-moving Buick somewhere near the front of the cluster.
Have you ever tried to get past what I refer to as "traffic constipation" only to find one--or even worse, two!--Buicks hanging out in the left lane, complete unaware that there are other cars trying to get down the road at a reasonable speed? It happens all the time! I've gotten to the point that when I see the tell-tale shielded emblem on the vehicle in front on me, I'll change lanes if possible.

Your task, now, is to carefully observe traffic patterns for the next couple weeks and tell me if I'm crazy. I'm betting you'll find that I'm not crazy at all (at least on this one). I'm actually not the only one on the Internet to have made this observation, either.  Your comments can only be based upon facts, not opinions, since I'm basing this post entirely upon facts! :-D

Now I realize that someday I'll be one of those can't-see-smaller-than-97point people too. I'm just not sure I'll be driving a Buick. And Dad, I'm really glad your Buick got stolen and you traded to an Acura so I could make this post with a clear conscience! And Grandma, I'm really glad you have no idea what a blog is, so I won't have to justify myself to you the next time I visit and have to drive your Century all over town!

And an interesting final note...

The most prestigious vehicle in China today is none other than a black Buick. Go figure. Maybe they just like the big dials.

Comments

Lori said…
Yeah, any time I've driven a buick or comparable car, I just felt like I was driving a comfy couch down the road. Though couches are cool and all, they just are too big and bulky to drive around. I think I would probably opt out of the "upgrade" as well.
Becky said…
I think the only car that yells AARP more then the buick is the Cadillac. Either way, pass the Geritol and enjoy the ride.
Ryan said…
I chuckled when you mentioned Buick in China. They are everywhere. I believe, however, that the popularity is due to the Chinese National Sport:

http://perspicaciouswords.blogspot.com/2008/01/car-blocking.html
shelly said…
Oh yeah, you got it. My family used to have a buick and we called it the boat because you literally felt the "waves" as you sauntered down the road. LOL.
Mia said…
You are too funny. We had a big ol buick station wagon growing up, it was huge and slow.
Linda said…
DAD loved his Buick until stolen, now it is the Acura. And the reasons were definately O F! Wide flat seats, acceleration, power everything, and ,yes LARGE font dash! You nailed it!

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