Be The Pigeon

It's been a while. Yeah yeah. From the annals of " Parallel Parking for Dummies " I caught this gem while in in Galveston, TX. This week. This gal might qualify as the world's worst VW-Beetle driver. The picture doesn't really do it justice. The rear of her (short) vehicle was a good 2-3 feet from the curb; it was evident that using REVERSE is not part of her parallel-parking technique. That's my rental behind her.

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em." The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008 and many more in 2009...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout, (proncounced "Vote 'em out"). You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it. Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey, and apparently now Massachusetts, with many more seeing the ...

In comment to my recent Wolf Shirt posting, my friend Ryan alerted me to another awesome Amazon product that you really need to purchase: Playmobil Security Check Point REVIEW: I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital. The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillenc...

So there's been quite a bit of noise lately about a certain "Wolf" tshirt on Amazon .  It's one of the funniest things I've read in a very long time.  You have to read the reviews, because, as in one reviewer's words, "this is why they invented the Internet."  This thing made me laugh out loud for minutes, literally!  Read it.

I got this silly mail from my Dad yesterday and it just made me laugh over and over. Now I understand how he deals with IRS audits. The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell...

Jo mentioned our elation at the kids going back to school. I thought I'd show you the commercial she mentioned. It's old, but hilarious. Totally captures our attitude. So what are your favorite commercials? We should create a compilation of the funniest ones.

There's some pretty cool material out there. Here's a funny one. This one plays off of Shane's post about songs with Windows XP sounds .

I don't have anything witty to offer today, so here's another fun bunch of information, complements of my dad. Neologism Awards Washington Post Invitational (2006) Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. Testicle (n.), a humorous questio...