Be The Pigeon

Recycled Napkins. Have you ever noticed that they're more like plastic than paper and that all they really do is squish the goo you're trying to wipe all over? Are we really saving mother earth by using them? Since nearly all paper is grown from trees specifically grown for that purpose, I have trouble understanding how we're barreling towards certain Al-Goreian destruction by using real napkins. Educate me, please.

Continuous-feed toilet paper . Are we such a shoddy society now that we can't even pony up for two-ply perforated squares? Nearly every single commercial establishment has now succumbed to that continuous-feed post-consumer recyclopaper. I bet we give our terrorists better stuff in prison.

Voice-prompted phone trees . They NEVER understand me. Ever. They took an obnoxious IVR concept and made it even worse, if that was possible. And most places are adopting them. Can those darn things understand anyone who speaks English? Today it was Fedex. Yesterday it was the travel agent. They sound so chipper and happy, even when they don't understand a single word I reply with.